Welcome to The Groove Tube, a weekly recap of the highlights (and lowlights) of some of the scripted TV shows I'm watching (in order of preference):
Scariest Recess of the Week: Poor Shelley was found by a little girl in a stairwell near a school playground.
Grooviest Pad of the Week: Dr. Thredson's home.
Best Surprise of the Week: The nice Dr. Thredson, who helped Lana escape from the asylum, revealed himself to be Bloody Face!
Grade: A (what a thoroughly twisted show - but I'm enjoying it)
Most Gruesome Message of the Week: Michonne spelled out the message "Go Back" in walker body parts for Merle's group.
Most Gruesome Scene of the Week: A walker's guts fell all over Michonne.
Best Sex and Best Couple of the Week: I confess that I find the Governor kind of sexy, and I like him and Andrea together.
Best Return of the Week: Carol was finally found alive. Hooray!
Best Guest Star of the Week: Matthew Broderick as Dave, Cam's gay friend who thinks his new friend Phil is also gay.
Best Kiss of the Week: Dave kissed a confused Phil.
Worst Mural of the Week: I don't believe for a second that Jay would really like the dreadful mural that Cam and Mitch had painted in the baby's nursery.
Grade: A (a funny episode)
Best Musical Performance: Avery's "Kiss"
Cutest New Character of the Week: 31-year-old Tilky Jones as football player Sean Butler whom Juliette went on a date with.
Best Break-Up of the Week: Scarlett finally dumped Avery whom she believed had slept with Marilyn.
Hottest Hunk of the Week: A shirtless Brody!
Best Return of the Week Runner-Up: Santana replaced Unique as Rizzo in the school's production of Grease.
Biggest Bitch of the Week: The nasty Kitty sabotaged Marley's costume in order to make her think she is gaining weight and then suggested that the girl begin binging and purging.
Biggest Bitch of the Week Runner-Up: Cassandra slept with her hot teaching assistant Brody to get back at Rachel. I can't say that I blame her, but she's still a bitch.
Best Halloween Costume I Wish We Could Have Seen: Unique's parents said he dressed up as actress Shirley Hemphill from the 1976-79 ABC sitcom, What's Happening!!
Weirdest Photo of the Week: Would Kitty really have a picture of actor Troy Donahue on her bedroom wall? I don't think so.
Best Kiss of the Week Runner-Up: Ryder kissed Marley as a jealous Jake looked on.
Most Censored Musical Performance: Ryder and the guys' "Greased Lightnin'", in which they sang:
"You know that ain't no crap we'll be gettin' lots of that" instead of the original "You know that ain't no shit we'll be gettin' lots of tit"
"The chicks'll scream" instead of the original "The chicks'll cream"
And "She's a real honey wagon" instead of the original "She's a real pussy wagon"
Best Musical Performance Honorable Mention: Ryder and Marley's (and Rachel and Finn's) "You're the One That I Want"
Best Musical Performance Runner-Up: Blaine's "Beauty School Dropout"
Best Musical Performance: "There Are Worse Things I Could Do" sung by Santana on stage, Cassandra in NYC and Unique in the audience.
Grade: B+ (I enjoyed the Grease episode for the most part)
Worst Guest Star of the Week: Former Saturday Night Live actress Cheri Oteri as David and Bryan's annoying baby expert Carla, who just isn't funny.
Straightest Gay Guy of the Week: Justin Bartha's David is into Fantasy Football.
Gayest Guy of the Week: Andrew Rannells' Bryan, whose "gayest video ever" went viral after Jane posted it on Twitter.
Best Kiss of the Week Honorable Mention: David and Bryan's.
Grade: B+ (is NBC ever going to air the pre-empted due to Hurricane Sandy Halloween episode, "Para-New Normal Activity"? It was briefly available on iTunes, but I'd prefer a free television broadcast)
Best Guest Star of the Week Runner-Up: Vice President Joe "Precious Cargo" Biden, whom Ben arranged for Leslie to meet as an engagement present.
Grade: B (although I'm no longer reviewing this series every week, it still remains one of the best sitcoms currently on the air)