Welcome to The Groove Tube, a weekly recap of the highlights (and lowlights) of some of the scripted TV shows I'm watching (in order of preference):
First Impression: Since creators Ryan Murphy and Brad Falchuk decided to continue their horror anthology series with a different cast of characters, it is a brand new series - with a few familiar faces. So my initial impression of AHS: Asylum - which takes place in 1964 at the Briarcliff Manor insane asylum - is that there seems to initially be a lot more going on than in the first season. Instead of focusing on one family in a haunted house, we've got lesbians, nuns, sadistic doctors, sexy priests, nymphomaniacs and serial killers all being introduced to us. I like the sprawling weirdness of the series, which has many intriguing mysteries to be revealed - and, of course, anything with the fabulous Jessica Lange at its center is worth watching. Her Sister Jude is equally as entertaining as Constance was last year. So I am totally hooked on the show once again.
Best Opening Scene of the Week: In 2012, cute horror fanatics Leo and Teresa choose to spend their honeymoon in an abandoned mental institution, where he ends up getting his arm ripped off by an unknown entity.
Grooviest Retro Song of the Week: "There Goes My Baby", a 1959 hit by The Drifters.
Best Special Effects of the Week: I was really impressed by Kit's scary "close encounter" in his home.
Best Villain of the Week: James Cromwell has a juicy role as the creepy Dr. Arden, whose patients frequently disappear/die.
Best Couple of the Week Honorable Mention: Lesbians Lana (Sarah Paulson) and Wendy (Clea DuVall, whom I previously liked on HBO's Carnivàle).
Best Bitch of the Week: Sister Jude, who blackmailed Wendy into signing papers to commit her nosy girlfriend Lana to the sanitarium.
Hottest Hunk of the Week Runner-Up: I can see why Sister Jude has got it bad for the sexy Monsignor Timothy Howard (Joseph Fiennes, who is looking good at age 42).
Best Legs of the Week: Evan Peters as Kit
Kinkiest Scene of the Week: Sister Mary Eunice, a highly emotional nun, pulled her pants down in order to receive a caning from Sister Jude.
Most Intriguing Scene of the Week: Dr. Arden removed a metallic "bug" from Kit's neck - did aliens put it there?
Best Cliffhanger of the Week Runner-Up: Teresa came face-to-face with serial killer "Bloody Face".
SPOILERS: Future guest stars include Frances Conroy (who played Moira during Season 1) and Modern Family's Eric Stonestreet. Actors Ian McShane and Dylan McDermott (who played Ben during Season 1) will also be joining the cast.
Hottest Hunk and Best New Character of the Week: 31-year-old Irish actor Colin O'Donoghue as the sexy Captain Hook/Killian Jones.
Worst Wife of the Week: Rumplestiltskin's wife Milah (played by The L Word's Rachel Shelley) who left him and their young son to run away with Killian.
Worst Father of the Week: Belle's father Moe who tried to erase her memory of Mr. Gold/Rumplestiltskin by sending her beyond the city limits.
Best Biceps of the Week: David (Josh Dallas), who flexed his muscles while working in the mine.
Best New Friendship of the Week: Belle and Ruby bonded.
Most Disturbing Death of the Week: Rumplestiltskin ripped out Milah's heart.
Best Couple of the Week Runner-Up: Mr. Gold and Belle
Best Cliffhanger of the Week: Captain Hook teamed up with Regina's mother Cora to find a way to Storybrooke.
Grade: A (a great episode, which showed us how Captain Hook lost his hand - Rumplestiltskin sliced it off with a sword)
Best Couple of the Week: Glenn and Maggie
Saddest Scene of the Week: Maggie tearfully told her critically injured father Hershel to let go - but he surprisingly pulled through.
Tough Guy of the Week: Carl went off by himself to get medical supplies.
Most Disturbing Death of the Week Runners-Up: Rick - who seems to be turning into his old buddy Shane - shot Tomas, the nasty leader of the prison inmates, and left another guy to get devoured by walkers.
Scariest Moment of the Week: Hershel woke up and grabbed Lori while she was performing mouth-to-mouth resuscitation on him.
Grade: A (another outstanding episode that was over far too quickly - and who was spying on Carol outside?)
Best Musical Performance of the Week: Rayna and Deacon's duet at the Bluebird of "No One Will Ever Love You".
Best Expression of the Week: Juliette's when Deacon asked Rayna to sing with him at the Bluebird instead of her.
Grade: A (I'm still enjoying this soap)
Scariest Lookalike of the Week: Actress Wendy Crewson, who plays a powerful business executive named Helen, reminds me of Michele Bachmann.
Best Entrance of the Week: Amanda brought her "people" - a few girlfriends - to the baby shower Victoria threw for her.
Best Fall of the Week: Amanda fell over a second-floor banister during an argument with Victoria and suffered some serious head trauma.
Worst Storyline: Rich kid Trey and the man he and Declan robbed are in cahoots to take over Jack's bar. I just don't care about them.
Worst Kiss of the Week: I'm not liking Nolan's new romance with Padma - but I hear this will turn into a bisexual love triangle when his old boyfriend shows up.
Best Cliffhanger of the Week Honorable Mention: Emily found her mother Kara at Amanda's hospital bedside.
Grade: A- (although I'm not a fan of new characters Aiden, Padma and Trey - who could all disappear - I did enjoy the Amanda/baby drama in this episode)
Best Moment: After Luke told a disappointed Phil that he wanted to quit magic, he disappeared in a cloud of smoke.