The Groove Tube #37: Best & Worst of the Season

Welcome to the last Groove Tube of the 2011-12 television season, in which I select the Best and the Worst from the shows that I watched. New weekly recaps will return in the fall.

Hottest Hunk of the Season: Mark Deklin as GCB's Blake
Runner-Up: Dylan McDermott as American Horror Story's Ben
Honorable Mention: Joshua Bowman as Revenge's Daniel

Best Bitch of the Season: Madeleine Stowe as Revenge's Victoria Grayson
Runner-Up: Lana Parrilla as Once Upon a Time's Evil Queen and Regina
Honorable Mention: Megan Hilty as Smash's Ivy

Worst Bitch of the Season: Smash's Ellis

Best Couple of the Season: Once Upon a Time's Prince Charming/David and Snow White/Mary Margaret
Runner-Up: Parks and Recreation's Ben and Leslie
Honorable Mention: Downton Abbey's Matthew and Mary

Most Fabulous Married Couple of the Season: GCB's Blake and Cricket

Worst Couple of the Season Whom I Enjoyed Watching: Revenge's Conrad and Victoria
Runner-Up: American Horror Story's Ben and Vivien
Honorable Mention: American Horror Story's Chad and Patrick

Worst Couple of the Season Whom I Didn't Enjoy Watching: Glee's Finn and Rachel
Runner-Up: Parks and Recreation's Tom and Ann
Dishonorable Mention: Downton Abbey's Richard and Mary

Best Supporting Actress of the Season: Jessica Lange as American Horror Story's Constance
Runner-Up: Annie Potts as GCB's Gigi
Honorable Mention: Lauren Potter as Glee's Becky Jackson

Best Supporting Actor of the Season: Evan Peters as American Horror Story's Tate
Runner-Up: Alex Newell as Glee's Wade "Unique" Adams
Honorable Mention: Max Adler as Glee's Dave Karofsky

Grooviest Guest Star of the Season: Matt Bomer as Glee's Cooper
Runner-Up: Bernadette Peters as Smash's Leigh
Honorable Mention: Patricia Clarkson as Parks and Recreation's Tammy One

Worst Guest Star of the Season: Kyle MacLachlan returned as Desperate Housewives' Orson (my least favorite character on the show).
Runners-Up: Emma's "ginger supremacist" parents on Glee (played by Happy Days' Don Most and Valerie Mahaffey).

Most Boring Character of the Season: A tie between Pan Am's Laura and The Playboy Club's Maureen.

Best Villain of the Season: Ashton Holmes as Revenge's Tyler Barrol
Runner-Up: Joseph Morgan as The Vampire Diaries' Klaus

Best Friends of the Season: Glee's Sue and Becky

Best Inner Voice of the Season: Actress Helen Mirren, who shared Becky Jackson's private thoughts on Glee.

Best Pet of the Season: Jay's dog Stella on Modern Family
Runner-Up: April and Andy's dog Champion on Parks and Recreation

Best Dressed of the Season: Mad Men's Megan
Runner-Up: Glee's Blaine

Best Musical Performance of the Season: Kurt's shake-your-booty-in-tight-leather-pants performance on Glee of "Not the Boy Next Door" from the musical, The Boy from Oz.
Runner-Up: Tom's performance of "Don't Say Yes Until I Finish Talking" on Smash.
Honorable Mention: Megan's sex kitten performance of the 1960 French pop song, "Zou Bisou Bisou", on Mad Men.

Best Line of the Season: "Treat Yo Self!" - Park and Recreation's Donna and Tom
Runner-Up: "You're not like Rock Hudson gay. You're really gay. You sing like Diana Ross and you dress like you own a magic chocolate factory" - Glee's Burt Hummel to his son Kurt
Honorable Mention: “Now what am I going to do with you?” - Constance's final line to her grandson on American Horror Story

Best Sex of the Season: The Vampire Diaries' Tyler and Caroline
Runner-Up: Revenge's Daniel and Emily
Honorable Mention: Mad Men's Don and Megan

Worst Sex of the Season: American Horror Story's Vivien and the Rubber Man

Best Masturbation Scene of the Season: American Horror Story's Ben jerked off and cried.

Best Handjob of the Season: Mad Men's Peggy gave one to a stranger in a movie theater during Born Free - perhaps to thank him for sharing his weed.

Best Gay Bar of the Season: Parks and Recreation's The Bulge

Best Smile of the Season: GCB's Pastor John Tudor (played by Tyler Jacob Moore)

Best Fake Smile of the Season: Revenge's Victoria Grayson, who knows how to pretend to be friends with someone she despises.

Most Disturbing Death of the Season: A tie between American Horror Story's Vivien (who hemorrhaged to death after giving birth) and Ben (who was hung from a chandelier by some evil ghosts).
Runner-Up: Mad Men's Lane, who hung himself on his office door.
Honorable Mention: American Horror Story's Addie, who was hit by a car while trick-or-treating.

Saddest Death of the Season: Desperate Housewives' Karen McCluskey, who died while listening to Johnny Mathis' "Wonderful! Wonderful!" (actress Kathryn Joosten died a few weeks after her character).

Worst Storyline of the Season: Susan's tedious art class on Desperate Housewives.

Weirdest Plot Twist of the Season: Instead of writing in actress January Jones' pregnancy, Mad Men decided instead to create a dramatic weight gain for her character Betty.

Worst Plot Twist of the Season: In order to ruin Tom's relationship with the gorgeous John, Smash made him a Republican - and we were supposed to believe that politics never came up in any previous conversation that the couple had.

Best Plot Twist of the Season: Mad Men's Peggy finally got fed up with Don's disrespectful treatment and found herself a groovy new job.

Funniest Scene of Season: Leslie's rally on the ice hockey rink on Parks and Recreation.

Best Surprise of the Season: Revenge's Tyler was the one who was killed on the beach and not Daniel.

Best Season Finale of the Season: American Horror Story's Constance arrived home to discover that her three-year-old grandson had murdered his babysitter.

Best Comedy of the Season: Parks and Recreation
Runner-Up: GCB
Honorable Mention: Modern Family

Best Drama of the Season: American Horror Story
Runner-Up: Mad Men
Honorable Mention: A tie between Revenge and Downton Abbey