Dishing about Dark Shadows (and loving Chicago's Patio Theater)

So I finally saw Dark Shadows, the Tim Burton-directed feature film of the 1966-71 gothic soap opera - and although I was often disappointed, I still enjoyed it for the most part. But it would've been so much better if Burton, star/producer Johnny Depp and screenwriter Seth Grahame-Smith had stuck more closely to the original story of the TV series. Since the movie has been in theaters for over a month, I'm not going to write a detailed plot summary because I assume everyone already knows that Dark Shadows is about Barnabas Collins, a vampire who returns to his family's mansion in 1972 after being buried for 200 years. Instead below is a list of what I liked and disliked about the movie with some SPOILERS (you've been warned).

However, before we get to that, I just want to give a shout-out to Chicago's historic Patio Theater (6008 W. Irving Park Rd), which first opened in 1927. It was beautifully restored and reopened last year after being closed for a decade - and last night was my first time seeing a film there. The price of admission is always - and only - $5, and I highly recommend this great venue for your movie-viewing pleasure. You can also help support the theater's current Kickstarter campaign to raise the necessary funds for a new digital projection system (click here to donate and see pics of this majestic movie palace).

Now here is my list of Dark Shadows' likes and dislikes:

1) I liked the opening, which follows the TV plot of Victoria Winters arriving by train at Collinwood to become the new governess of young David Collins. But why couldn't they include the original theme music? I also liked that Victoria's actual name is "Maggie Evans", who was one of my favorite characters in the series - this was a nice twist that kind of combined the two ladies into one.

2) I would've preferred to have Willie Loomis release Barnabas from his coffin in the family crypt (as in the original show) instead of being unearthed by construction workers.

3) Setting the film in 1972 instead of the original time period of 1966-67 allows for some amusing scenes with Barnabas discovering lava lamps and the lovely voice of "tiny songstress" Karen Carpenter on TV. And one of my favorite funny moments is when Barnabas reveals a secret room that family matriarch Elizabeth Collins Stoddard now uses to store all of her macrame. The movie's trailer emphasizes the comedy but, fortunately, all the actors keep a straight face and a serious tone throughout, which was a good directorial decision.

4) I loved Michelle Pfeiffer as Elizabeth, but I would have given her character the TV show's storyline about being a recluse since her husband's mysterious disappearance many years ago. It was eventually revealed that Elizabeth believed that he was buried in the basement after she murdered him - but he later turned out to be still alive. Now this juicy plot would've given Pfeiffer a whole lot more to do.

5) Jonny Lee Miller is wasted in the film as Roger Collins, Elizabeth's brother and David's father. The character never had that much to do in the TV series, but at one point he married the evil Angelique - and this would've been a good way to introduce her in the film, which has way too much of Eva Green as the vengeful witch who turned Barnabas into a vampire. Ms. Green is good as Angelique, but the movie would've been better with less of her and more of the other characters.

6) Chloë Grace Moretz is okay as Elizabeth's 15-year-old daughter Carolyn, but the character was so much more interesting in the original show. She was a few years older with a cute boyfriend named Joe Haskell, and she spent a lot of time dancing down at The Blue Whale pub. And although I was surprised when it was revealed at the end of the film that she was a werewolf (courtesy of Angelique's curse), I was also very confused - wouldn't her mother have known if she was bitten by a werewolf as a baby? This unexpected twist just didn't work for me.

7) Bella Heathcote and Johnny Depp have zero chemistry as Victoria and Barnabas - especially because the 24-year-old actress looks so young. I think she would've been better cast as Carolyn.

8) I liked Helena Bonham Carter's unique take on Dr. Julia Hoffman, David's live-in psychiatrist (the boy has been troubled ever since his mother's death). Her boozy hungover performance is entertaining - and she and Depp do have chemistry. But I was very disappointed that this important character was given short shrift in the film. Barnabas and Julia developed into very close friends in the TV series, so it was disturbing to see him murder her in the movie and dump her body in the ocean. I absolutely hated this plot twist - and I doubt that actress Grayson Hall (who played Julia on TV) would be too happy about this either if she was still alive today.

9) I think it's wonderful that original Dark Shadows actors Jonathan Frid, Lara Parker, David Selby and Kathryn Leigh Scott all made cameo appearances as party guests during the ball held at Collinwood. But I completely missed their scene, which I think lasted all of two seconds. Couldn't they have shortened singer Alice Cooper's appearance and allowed a bit more time for these folks?

10) Johnny Depp makes a marvelous Barnabas - despite his bizarre look (why the long fingernails and bad make-up? So not necessary). And in the original, no one except Willie, Angelique and Julia knew that he was a vampire. Barnabas just tried to fit in while struggling to not bite anyone. Instead in the film, he's an obvious fish out of water - which is successfully played for comic effect - but we get no sense of his struggle to control his blood-sucking urges. Again, choices were made to make the movie different than the TV series.

11) And, finally, we come to the ending, which features some terrific special effects (I hope the Academy Awards acknowledges this with a nomination next year). But I wasn't thrilled with any of the storyline "resolutions", which I won't give away. I guess I will have to wait for Dark Shadows to be filmed again someday - perhaps in a Parallel Time - to see a more faithful version to the original be told.

My Grade: B- (mainly for Depp, Pfeiffer and Bonham Carter's performances - and the film is entertaining even though it's not the Dark Shadows that I was hoping for)
Running time: 113 long minutes
Website: darkshadowsmovie.warnerbros.com