Welcome to The Groove Tube, a weekly recap of the highlights (and lowlights) of some of the scripted TV shows I'm watching (in order of preference).
Best Opening Scene of the Week Runner-Up: Regina's amusing nightmare, in which the entire town sought revenge on her by having Emma chop off her head.
Best Return of the Week : Sebastian Stan as Jefferson, whose help Regina needed in order to get Emma out of Henry's life forever.
Best Special Effects of the Week: All the pretty fairies preparing to attack King George's guards with magic dust.
Saddest Character of the Week: Poor August, who is slowly changing back into wood because he hasn't been a good boy.
Best Baker of the Week: Regina knows how to bake an apple turnover.
Best Cliffhanger of the Week: After Emma told Henry that she was leaving him and Storybrooke, he proved that Regina's turnover was made with a poisoned apple by taking a bite of it and then collapsing.
Grade: A+ (such delicious drama!)
Ratings: 8.95 million viewers, #2 in time period with 5.2 rating/8 share
Best Guest Star of the Week: Sandra Bernhard as Debbie Horowitz, who kidnapped the gals in Mexico.
Best Exposed Secret of the Week Runner-Up: Carlene was shocked to learn that Ripp has a grown daughter in Mexico.
Best Exposed Secret of the Week: Mason Massey knows that Blake's ex-ranch foreman Booth worked under him in more ways than one.
Best New Boss of the Week: After Zach sold Sharon's business, Cricket revealed that she now owns the company.
Best Kiss of the Week and Best Cliffhanger Runner-Up: Pastor Tudor kissed Amanda (I think they make a cute couple)!
Ratings: 5.56 million viewers, #3 in time period with 3.8 rating/6 share
Last Words (written on 5/22/12): So ABC has canceled GCB after only one season, which is very disappointing. I really enjoyed the show, which always made me laugh, and I will especially miss Carlene, Cricket, Gigi, the hunky Blake and Pastor Tudor's perfect white teeth. However, devoted fan Randy Bragdon of San Diego has created a Save GCB petition, which you can sign at savegcb.com (it already has over 58,000 signatures) - and on Thursday, May 24, he is urging everyone to call (818) 460-7477 to leave a message for ABC President Paul Lee (click here for more details). I don't know if this will help persuade ABC to bring back the series, but it certainly can't hurt to try - and I would love to have my weekly fix of a shirtless Mark Deklin to continue.
Overall Season Grade: A (for being one of the most entertaining new shows of the season)
Best New Character of the Week: Tess Harper, who was nominated for an Academy Award for her performance in the 1986 film, Crimes of the Heart, as Nolan's Aunt Carol, who was Conrad's secretary for 18 years.
Best New Job of the Week: I guess it pays to be a bad girl as that ambitious schemer Ashley received a new job at Grayson Global from Conrad as well as a new car - and I wouldn't be surprised if these two become much more intimately involved in the future.
Grooviest Guy of the Week: Nolan, who paid for Declan's prep school tuition.
Best Reconciliation of the Week: Victoria and Charlotte had a nice mother-daughter moment at David Clarke's grave.
Ratings: 7.14 million viewers, #2 in time period with 4.9 rating/8 share
Most Painful Scene of the Week: Alaric tortured poor Caroline by sticking pencils through her hands.
Best Desiccation of the Week: Klaus finally got his just desserts, but he was a good villain - and I did like his romantic interest in Caroline.
Best Outings of the Week: Alaric outed both Sheriff Liz Forbes and Mayor Carol Lockwood at a council meeting for protecting their vampire/werewolf children, Caroline and Tyler.
Best Scene: Stefan and Damon came to an understanding about Elena - if she chooses one of them, the other will leave town.
Best Cliffhanger of the Week Honorable Mention #1: Elena collapsed after hitting her head and losing a lot of blood that Klaus drained from her body.
Ratings: 2.54 million viewers, #5 in time period with 1.6 rating/3 share
Biggest Asshole of the Week: Mike O'Malley, who plays Kurt's groovy dad on Glee, got to be a dick for a change as the manager of an auto rental company who refused to rent any vans to Leslie's campaign.
Best Cameo of the Week by a Web Series Actress: Danielle Kennedy played a reporter - but she really gets to shine as Fran on the twisted web series, Ave 43.
Best Sex of the Week: As much as I would like to see Chris get back together with Ann, at least he got some good lovin' from Bobby Newport's campaign manager Jennifer.
Grade: A (funny episode)
Ratings: 3.26 million viewers, #4 in time period with 2.1 rating/3 share
Grade: A (I liked this episode. It was funny and sweet with a nice performance by Julie Bowen as Claire, who got to lighten up and have some fun for a change. But couldn't Cam and Mitchell just buy their daughter a new stuffed rabbit - maybe even the exact same one?)
Ratings: 10.06 million viewers, #3 in time period with 6.0 rating/9 share
Best Opening Scene of the Week: Tom and Sam's "Another Op'nin', Another Show" from the 1948 musical, Kiss Me, Kate.
Worst Reconciliation of the Week: Sorry, but I'm disappointed that Julia and Frank are back together.
Most Surprising Confession of the Week: Derek told Ivy that he loves her.
Worst Kiss of the Week: Dev and his female colleague, R.J.
Most Surprising Kiss of the Week: Derek and Rebecca, who went beyond kissing.
Worst Proposal of the Week: Dev asked Karen to marry him - after kissing R.J.
Best Birthday Surprise of the Week: Rebecca sang "Happy Birthday" to Derek as Marilyn Monroe.
Quickest "Meet the Parents": How long have Tom and Sam been dating? A few weeks, a month - and Tom is already meeting his parents?
Best Comfort Food of the Week: Julia's bananas with peanut butter.
Best Line: "I'm in tech" - Karen's response to Dev's marriage proposal
Best Cliffhanger of the Week Honorable Mention #2: Dev bought Ivy a drink while both of them were feeling blue about their romantic relationships. I don't think they have ever met before, but they've certainly heard a lot about each other.
Grade: B+ (not a memorable music episode, but I enjoyed all the drama)
Ratings: 5.34 million viewers, #3 in time period with 3.5 rating/6 share
Cheesiest Musical Performance: Kurt's "The Music of the Night" from The Phantom of the Opera - he made the right choice by going with his Peter Allen tune.
Worst Storyline of the Week: I guess the honeymoon is over for Coach Beiste and her new husband, Cooter, who's a mean abusive drunk. What made the writers think the issue of violence against women would be a good storyline for the show? And why couldn't they just let the coach be happy?
Hottest Guest Star and Worst Cameo Appearance of the Week: Puck's deadbeat dad briefly showed up to ask for money, which was a disappointing storyline - especially since he was played by Thomas Calabro, whom I fondly remember as Dr. Michael Mancini on Melrose Place AND who still looks mighty fine at age 53.
Least Favorite Guest Star of the Week: Whoopi Goldberg, whose boring character - opera singer and NYADA dean Carmen Tibideaux - put me to sleep. What a waste of her talents.
Best Musical Performance Honorable Mention: Puck and the guys' hard-rockin' performance of "The Rain in Spain".
Best Musical Performance Runner-Up: The glee club girls amusingly performed "Cell Block Tango" from the Broadway musical, Chicago.
Best Musical Performance: Kurt's fabulous shake-your-booty-in-tight-leather-pants performance of "Not the Boy Next Door" from the musical, The Boy from Oz (I think this was the first time that I found him kind of sexy).
Most Humiliating Musical Performance : Poor Rachel choked and forgot the words to her signature song, "Don't Rain on My Parade", in front of Whoopi.
Grade: B- (although I hated the Coach Beiste storyline, Kurt's terrific musical performance - one of the best of this entire season - helped to raise my grade)
Ratings: 6.01 million viewers, #3 in time period with 3.7 rating/6 share
Least Favorite Guest Star of the Week Runner-Up: I loved Alexis Bledel on TV's Gilmore Girls, but she just seemed miscast as an unhappy suburban housewife. It didn't make any sense for her character's much older husband to have a mistress in the city when she is so young and pretty.
Worst Secret of the Week: Megan went on a secret audition because she really wants to be an actress - not the most exciting news to report.
Eeriest Moment of the Week: Don almost fell down an elevator shaft.
Least Favorite Beatles Song: I have to agree with Don - I'm not a big fan of "Tomorrow Never Knows" either (I much prefer "Eleanor Rigby" from their 1966 album, Revolver).
Grade: B- (a depressing episode - and my least favorite of the season so far)
Ratings: 2.29 million viewers, 0.7 rating (adults 18-49)
Worst Rejection of the Week: I don't blame Gregg for being upset when Lynette told him she was interested in someone else - she was using him.
Best Break-up of the Week: Jane realized that Tom was still in love with Lynette, which was a surprise to no one.
Dumbest Plot Twist of the Week: Tom saw a man helping Lynette off with her dress and assumed the worst - but if he'd watched them a few seconds longer, he would have discovered it was their gay neighbor Lee!
Grade: C (a boring episode)
Ratings: 9.22 million viewers, #2 in time period with 5.8 rating/9 share